Dear Reader,
Lately, I’ve been listening to Messy by Lola Young on repeat. It has really stuck with me. Maybe it’s the rawness, the unapologetic messiness, the refusal to fit into a perfect little box. And it got me thinking…
Growing up, certain comments always irked me. The kind that are meant to be compliments but carry that tiny, almost imperceptible sting.
One such example is,
”You’re strong… for a woman.”
Thanks, I guess? Couldn’t you just say “wow that takes a lot of strength” or “you’re very resilient”… That comment up there makes it seems like strength is by default not a women’s trait. Whether it’s lifting heavy boxes or keeping my head up through tough times, why can’t I just be strong, period? Why is my strength qualified, as if it needs a footnote?
The words we use shape the world we live in. Gender inequality is still a very present issue all over the world, from political representation to economic participation in many fields. There is a need to break the systemic barriers that centuries of history have built, and it starts with words.
Maybe if we’re more mindful, we can start complimenting people as they are—no qualifiers, no caveats, no unnecessary comparisons. Because strength is strength. Intelligence is intelligence. Leadership is leadership. Being sensitive is being sensitive. And nobody needs a gender-based disclaimer to validate it.
You can bring awareness without taking it personally.
The truth is, most people don’t mean harm when they say things like, “You’re strong… for a woman.” These phrases are often just echoes of what they’ve heard their whole lives, passed down without much thought. And while it stings, we have a choice in how we respond.
There's a choice to not internalize it, not get defensive.
And, NOT let it slide.
A simple, calm response can plant a seed of awareness.
“Interesting that you phrase it like that—why do you think that strength needs a gender qualifier?”
or
“Would you say the same thing to a man?”
or
even just a lighthearted, “I’m just strong, period.”
These small moments of reflection can make people stop and think—maybe for the first time—about the unconscious biases they carry. And that’s how change begins. Not through confrontation, but through awareness.
Because at the end of the day, the goal isn’t just to stop hearing these comments. It’s to shift the mindset that makes them seem normal in the first place. Perhaps the same person will stop another in their tracks to examine these biases, and this is how we can create true change.
So, Happy International Women’s Day. Go listen to your favourite jam of the moment and if you don’t have one, I highly recommend “Messy” by Lola Young.
Here’s to recognizing everyone in their full, messy, powerful selves. 💜
💜International Women’s Day Playlist 💜
Messy by Lola Young
Man! I Feel Like a Woman by Shania Twain
Born This Way by Lady Gaga
Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper
Scars To Your Beautiful by Alessia Cara
Unstoppable by Sia